You heard it here first
This just in
The VIRGIN MARY was not a virgin
NOT A VIRGIN
Recently discovered documents reveal that when asked to
confirm her virginity she replied yes…..
….except for that one time
She claims to have heard that she had to do it three times before it was official
THINGS GET WORSE
Apparently Jesus did not die on the cross
DID NOT DIE
ON THE CROSS
Instead he went into a coma. After a good nights rest in the tomb he felt better in the morning. A passing homeless person heard him and helped him move the stone
When he was thanking him he noticed Mary Magdeline
(pardon the pun)
He asked him to leave because he wanted to suprise
He went and hid. Mary went into and saw the tomb was empty. When she came out Jesus popped up from
behind a bush
Hallelujah, a miracle. Jesus done rose from the dead.
Jesus, senseing an opportunity decided to play her
He told her,”……let’s get outta’ here, these Jews are trying to kill me.
They went and spent the night in an olive orchard. The night was warm. The moon was full. The sweat on her large, ample breast glistened as she breathed in and out.
She had a joint. He was a thirty-two year old horney, frustrated virgin who had just almost died.
Nature ran it’s course. It was a spiritual experience for her.
When she got her nut she cried out,
HERE I CUM
Un-fortunately he should not have done it. His wounds were so severe, the “act” drained him……he expired as soon as he was finished. He died on top of her. (What a way to go) He was buried in an un-marked grave.
Once was enuff. She got pregnant and had a little red haired girl who she took to France for safe keeping
BOTTOM LINE TRUTH IS THIS:
JESUS “FUCKED” A WHORE
DON’T LET THE CHRISTIANS KNOW